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Sermon Illustrations: Sex

Newspaper ad: SEX It's better than mowing your lawn. Let Eddie and David do the mowing, remove rubbish …

British men have sex seven times a day - in their minds - and they should keep dreaming because it improves their live life. A survey by Men's Health Magazine calculated that men fantasised 2555 times a year about having intercourse. It found that sexual fantasies occurred most often in men who enjoyed the greatest sexual satisfaction. Sunday Mail 17-9-95

Most parents would agree that the best part of their children's lives was the drawing board stage. P.K. Shaw

The act of intercourse burns about 200 calories, the equivalent of running vigorously for 30 minutes. Time 19th January, 2004, p56

The Holy Spirit leaves the room when a married couple has sex, even if they do it without passion to make new virgins for the Kingdom of God. Peter Lombard, theologian (circa 1100-1164) Time 19th January, 2004, p76

I find there is nothing but godliness in marriage. To be sure, when I consider marriage, only the flesh seems to be there. Yet my father must have slept with my mother, made love to her, and they were nevertheless godly people. All the patriarchs and prophets did likewise. The longing of a man for a woman is God's creation. Martin Luther

During intercourse, once a woman's genitals are vigorously rubbed and her womb titillated, a lustfulness (an itch) overwhelms her down there, and the feeling of pleasure and warmth pools out through the rest of her body. Hippocrates, physician (circa 460-377 B.C.) Time 19th January, 2004, p76

At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: give little, give seldom, and above all give grudgingly. Ruth Smythers, Instruction and Advice for the Young Bride (1894). Time 19th January, 2004, p76

Anyone who is too passionate a lover of his wife is an adulterer. St. Jerome, theologian (circa 341-430). Time 19th January, 2004, p76-77

A 17 year old girl pressured by her friends to sleep with guys said, "I can be like you any time I choose, but you can never be like me."

At the newly-developed QUT Creative Industries Complex at Kelvin Grove they've embedded tiles in the pavements inscribed with words of wit and wisdom. One such: "American soldiers here in World War II introduced Australian women to chewing gum and said it was a good and effective contraceptive." Good Mail in The Sunday Mail 7-3-04 p 89

Promises can be hard to keep, especially when it comes to sex. U.S. teens who pledged to remain virgins until marriage had a bit of trouble keeping their word, according to a study of 12,000 adolescents by researchers at Columbia and Yale. In fact, 88% of them went ahead and had premarital sex anyway. What's more, those who made a vow of chastity were less likely to use condoms than other teens, contracted sexually transmitted diseases just as often and were less likely to know they were infected. It's difficult for teens to learn safe sex while saying they're not going to have sex, says study co-author Peter Bearman. Time 11th March, 2004, p67

Every Saturday, a keen golfer left home early in the morning, regardless of the weather, to play his beloved game. But one day the rain and wind were too much even for him, so he returned home, undressed and snuggled up to his wife in bed, saying, "It's terrible out there." "I can hear it," she said, "and can you believe that my stupid husband is out there playing golf?" Reader's Digest August 2004 p58

A young girl asked her mother, "Mum, how old are you?" "It's rude to ask a woman her age," her mother said. Some time later, the girl told her friend what her mother had said. "It's easy to find out her age," her friend said. "Just take a look at her driver's licence." The girl did and said to her mother, "Mum, you're 37 years old." "And how did you find that out?" asked her mother. Ignoring the question, the girl added, "And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce." "Is that right?" said her mother. "Why?" "Because," said the girl, "you only got an F in Sex."

Viagra use jumped 312% in men aged 18 to 45 between 1998 and 2002. International Journal of Impotence Research. Reader's Digest December 2004 p 28

Will Smith has come up with a highly unconventional way of trying to ensure his Hollywood marriage to Jada Pinkett Smith doesn't end up on the rocks. His solution? When you want to cheat with one of your co-stars, get permission from your partner first. The Men In Black star and his wife say they have agreed it is all right to sleep with someone else as long as it isn't behind the back of the person you love. They researched the subject by meeting high-profile couples who have split - including Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, and Bruce Willis and Demi Moore - to find out what went wrong. "Our perspective is, you don't avoid what's natural," Smith, 36, said. "You're going to be attracted to people. In our marriage vows, we didn't say 'forsaking all others'. The vow that we made was that you will never hear that I did something after the fact. If it came down to it, then one can say to the other, 'Look, I need to have sex with somebody. I'm not going to if you don't approve of it - but please approve of it'." Smith said he was forced to admit he had sexual feelings for other women when working on his film Hitch, in which he stars with Eva Mendes, whom he described as "freaking gorgeous". Despite his attraction to Mendes, Smith insists his marriage is still strong - and that he and Jada, 33, still behave like newlyweds. Smith, who has been married to his second wife for seven years, added: "I don't let a day go past that Jada doesn't feel like the Queen of the World. I make sure every single day that she knows how I feel about her." But he said the couple have been shaken by the break-up of other Hollywood couples. They try to find out what went wrong so they can learn from their mistakes. "Every time somebody in Hollywood breaks up, Jada and I go and find out why," Smith said. "With Bruce and Demi, we spent hours talking to them. And Tom and Nicole - hours, just trying to understand what happened." Sunday Mail 13-2-05 p 50

23% of men want sex every day, compared to only 8% of women. Reader's Digest April 2005 p 18

Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. Reader's Digest April 2005 p 97

A man is seated next to a beautiful woman on a plane. Eager to start a conversation, he asks, "Business trip or holiday?" She smiles dazzlingly and tells him, "Business. I'm on my way to the annual nymphomaniac conference in New York." Trying to stay cool, the man asks, "What's your role at this conference?" "Lecturer," she says. "I use my experience to debunk some of the myths about sexuality." "Really?" the man asks. "And what are those?" The beautiful woman explains, "One is that African men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it's American Indians. Another is that French men are the best lovers when actually it's the Greeks. And I have also found that the men most likely to impress in both categories are Irish." Blushing, she added, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name." "Tonto," the man replied. "Tonto Papadopoulos. But my friends call me Paddy." Reader's Digest May 2005 p 51

Most Australians have sex less than twice a week. 86% of men and 69% of women want sex more frequently. Reader's Digest June 2005 p 16

14% of all mobile phone users worldwide say they'll interrupt sex to answer the phone. Reader's Digest September 2005 p 17

The definition of dumb: You're on your honeymoon, a beautiful paradise setting, a stunningly beautiful naked wife, and you're tempted by an apple.

Couples who have a TV in their bedroom make love half as often as those who keep it a TV-free zone. Reader's Digest January 2007 p18

If a girl wiggles her hips at me, and I end up in bed with her, I can't say, "She seduced me." If I've truly dealt with lust, she can wiggle her hips at me all she wants, and I'll just think, "Whoa, she must have something wrong with her hips."

I met him, I liked him. I liked him, I loved him. I loved him, I let him. I let him, I lost him. I met her, I wanted her. I wanted her, I asked her. I asked her, she said no. She said no and I married her, and sixty years later we're still married. Source unknown

One day a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent." "Thank goodness," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

Alan Meyer: "Men have the capacity to nibble with their eyes." And if you nibble junk food all day, and a beautiful meal is put before you, you're not hungry.