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Sermon Illustrations: Alcohol

One family of four with two teenagers spends $4,135 a year on alcohol. That buys 883 stubbies of beer, 77 bottles of wine, 311 bottles of premix spirits, 8.4 casks of wine, 13.9 bottles of spirit and 171 light beers. RD April 2005 p 18

Staggering home late one evening, a man had clearly had too much to drink. Carrying his shoes in his hands to avoid waking his wife, he tiptoed upstairs to their bedroom, misjudged a step, and fell. He landed heavily on his backside and broke a bottle of whisky in each hip pocket. He only just managed to suppress a yelp, sprang to his feet and examined his lacerated and bleeding bottom in a nearby mirror. Finding a packet of Band-Aids, he tried to patch himself up before climbing into bed. The following morning, he awoke in tremendous pain and noticed his wife staring at him from across the room. "You were drunk last night," she said angrily. "That's not fair," he protested. "Why would you say such a mean thing?" "Well," she said, "Maybe it's the glass at the bottom of the stairs, but most likely it's because of all those Band-Aids stuck on the mirror downstairs."

Self-deception: An American guy bought a new Jeep Grand Cherokee, so to celebrate, he and his four friends drank a lot of beer and went duck hunting. They got the hunting dog, guns, decoys, dynamite, more beer, and drove onto the frozen lake. First they had to blow a hole in the ice for the decoys, but it was too risky to plant the dynamite and run for it. They might slip over. So they decided to toss the dynamite. The Jeep owner felt he was the best thrower, so he walked out a few metres, lit the fuse, and threw it as hard as he could. Remember the hunting dog? Born, bred and trained to retrieve. As soon as the stick left his master's hand, he tore off after it. Five men yelled frantically at the dog, but the dog ignored them, grabbed the stick, and headed back, tail wagging. His master got his gun and shot at the dog, but couldn't stop the dog with duck shot. Realising that his master is totally insane, the dog ran for cover - under the Jeep Cherokee. Moments later, there was an explosion, and the dog and the Jeep sank to the bottom of the lake.

An American hotel chain advertised for a Chief Beer Officer. The job requires that they visit breweries and select the beers for the hotel's bars and restaurants. They received more than 7000 applicants from 30 countries.

On TV, in December 2006, they announced that Gold Lotto had now reached $33 million. Asking people what they'd spend it on, one guy said, "$10 million on parties, $10 million on beer, $10 million on gambling, and I'd waste the rest."

The minister of a local church enjoyed an occasional drink so the owner of a hotel offered to exchange a crate of cherry brandy for Christmas in exchange for a free advertisement in the church newsletter. The minister agreed and ran the following message in the next issue: "The pastor would like to thank Patrick O'Reilly for his kind gift of a crate of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given."

One Sunday morning, a cop in a small town was parked at the kerb when he saw a car swerving all over the road. Taking off in hot pursuit, he pulled the driver over, and recognised him as an alcoholic named Frank. The policeman said, "Frank, you're driving all over the place." Frank said, "I'm just trying to get to church, man." Noticing a bottle on the seat next to Frank, the cop asked, "What's that on your seat, Frank?" "It's just water," said Frank. "Give it to me," the cop demanded. He took a whiff. "That's not water," he said. "That's wine." Frank just looked up to heaven and said, "Wow, He did it again."

30% of teenagers say they fear for the safety of their family and friends as a consequence of excess drinking. Reader's Digest March 2009, p 17

A family of four with two teenagers spends $4135 a year on alcohol. That buys 883 stubbies of beer, 77 bottles of wine, 311 bottles of premix spirits, 8.4 casks of wine, 13.9 bottles of spirit and 171 light beers. Reader's Digest April 2005 p 18