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Sermon Illustrations: Sex


In ancient Babylon (in the days of Alexander the Great), it was expected that every woman in the city must at some time in her life offer herself to a man in the temple as an act of worship. Available women would sit with wreaths of cords on their heads to show their availability. Men would then look among the available women, toss silver into their lap and call her to come in the name of Ishtar, the goddess of fertility. The woman was not allowed to refuse.

Newspaper ad: SEX It's better than mowing your lawn. Let Eddie and David do the mowing, remove rubbish...

Anyone who is too passionate a lover of his wife is an adulterer. St. Jerome, theologian (circa 341-430).

A 17 year old girl pressured by her friends to sleep with guys said, "I can be like you any time I choose, but you can never be like me."

A young girl asked her mother, "Mum, how old are you?" "It's rude to ask a woman her age," her mother said. Some time later, the girl told her friend what her mother had said. "It's easy to find out her age," her friend said. "Just take a look at her driver's licence." The girl did and said to her mother, "Mum, you're 37 years old." "And how did you find that out?" asked her mother. Ignoring the question, the girl added, "And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce." "Is that right?" said her mother. "Why?" "Because," said the girl, "you only got an F in Sex."

My Collection of Jokes, Quotes & Anecdotes

23% of men want sex every day, compared to only 8% of women. Reader's Digest April 2005 p 18

Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. Reader's Digest April 2005 p 97

The definition of dumb: You're on your honeymoon, a beautiful paradise setting, a stunningly beautiful naked wife, and you're tempted by an apple.

Couples who have a TV in their bedroom make love half as often as those who keep it a TV-free zone. Reader's Digest January 2007 p18

If a girl wiggles her hips at me, and I end up in bed with her, I can't say, "She seduced me." If I've truly dealt with lust, she can wiggle her hips at me all she wants, and I'll just think, "Whoa, she must have something wrong with her hips."

I met him, I liked him. I liked him, I loved him. I loved him, I let him. I let him, I lost him. I met her, I wanted her. I wanted her, I asked her. I asked her, she said no. She said no and I married her, and sixty years later we're still married. Source unknown

One day a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent." "Thank goodness," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

Alan Meyer: "Men have the capacity to nibble with their eyes." And if you nibble junk food all day, and a beautiful meal is put before you, you're not hungry.


Most parents would agree that the best part of their children's lives was the drawing board stage. P.K. Shaw

The act of intercourse burns about 200 calories, the equivalent of running vigorously for 30 minutes. Time 19th January, 2004, p56

The Holy Spirit leaves the room when a married couple has sex, even if they do it without passion to make new virgins for the Kingdom of God. Peter Lombard, theologian (circa 1100-1164)

I find there is nothing but godliness in marriage. To be sure, when I consider marriage, only the flesh seems to be there. Yet my father must have slept with my mother, made love to her, and they were nevertheless godly people. All the patriarchs and prophets did likewise. The longing of a man for a woman is God's creation. Martin Luther

At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: give little, give seldom, and above all give grudgingly. Ruth Smythers, Instruction and Advice for the Young Bride (1894).

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