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Sermon Illustrations: Revenge

Every day, a soldier made it his practice to end the day with Bible reading and prayer. When everyone got ready for bed, he knelt by his bunk. Some of them took the opportunity to make fun of him. But one time the abuse went beyond ridicule. As he bowed in prayer, a soldier threw his boots at him, hitting him in the face. Everyone jeered and hoped that there would be a fight, but he didn’t retaliate. The following morning, the soldier who threw his boots woke up and was totally surprised. There were his boots, returned to the foot of his bed and polished.

Johnny's mother raced into the bedroom when she heard him scream, and found his toddler sister yanking hard on his hair. She carefully unravelled the little girl's grasp and said to Johnny, "It's okay, sweetheart. She didn't really mean it. She doesn't understand that it hurts." Almost as soon as she was out of the room, she heard the little girl scream. Rushing back in, she asked, "What's wrong?" "She understand now," explained Johnny.

Three big bikies pulled into a highway cafe where a truck driver, a small guy, sat at a table quietly eating his lunch. As the three bikies entered, they immediately noticed him, snatched away his food, and started taunting him. The truck driver said nothing. He got up, paid for his food, and left. Disappointed that they hadn't succeeded in provoking the little guy into a fight, one of the bikies remarked to the waitress: "Boy, he wasn't much of a man, was he?" The waitress replied, "I suppose not." Then, looking through the window, she added, "He's not much of a driver, either. He just ran over three motorbikes."

A woman walked into a pharmacy and asked for some arsenic. "Arsenic is a poison. What do want it for?" the pharmacist asked. "To kill my husband because he's having an affair," replied the woman. "But I can't sell you arsenic to kill your husband!" the horrified pharmacist said. The woman opened her handbag taking out a highly compromising photo of her husband with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist took one look at the photo and said, "Why didn't you say you had a prescription in the first place?"

In an email doing the rounds: Melrose Drive, Tullamarine, Victoria - January 16, 2006, 14:35 hours: Highway Patrol pulls over a Workcover inspector for doing 68 km/h in a 60 km/h zone. Workcover inspector says nothing and cops the $120 fine sweet. Policeman finishes writing ticket and proceeds back to his car. Workcover inspector gets digital camera out of bag, photographs the cop and proceeds to the police car - and issues the policeman with an $800 fine for not wearing his hi-visibility vest when leaving his vehicle in a high-traffic area.

My Collection of Jokes, Quotes & Anecdotes

Next door neighbour (Janette) "Did you hear our big fight last night? My daughter and I had a big fight." "I hate you and I always have. I can't wait. As soon as I'm old enough I'm getting out of here. And I'm never coming back. I never want to see you again as long as I live" "I was really proud of myself. I didn't hit her. I just stood there, and looked her straight in the eye and said, 'And I hate your guts too.'"

Warring factions in Kenya: "One tribal warrior, a bus conductor, declared: 'We have vowed that for every Kikuyu killed, we shall kill two Kalenjins.'" Sunday Mail 27th January, 2008, p48. This is why God instituted the law of talion. (Ex 21:23-25)

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Please note that all Scripture quotations, unless otherwise stated, are taken from the New King James Version ®.
© 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.