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Sermon Illustrations: Pride (See Humility Too)
Back in the days of John Wesley, lay preachers with little education sometimes conducted church services. One time, a man spoke on Luke 19:21, “Lord, I feared You, because You are an austere man”, as his text. He didn’t know what austere meant, and thought the Scripture was referring to “an oyster man.” So he talked about how a diver would have to grope around in the dark, freezing waters to get oysters. In doing so, he would have cut his hands on the sharp edges of the shells. Then after he got an oyster, he would rise to the surface, holding it “in his torn and bleeding hands.” The lay preacher then added, “Christ descended from the glory of heaven into … sinful human society, in order to retrieve humans and bring them back up with Him to the glory of heaven. His torn and bleeding hands are a sign of the value He has placed on the object of His quest.” As a result of his preaching, twelve men came to Christ. However, later that evening, someone complained to Wesley about uneducated preachers who were too ignorant to know the meaning of the Scriptures they preached on. Wesley, who was educated at Oxford, simply replied, “Never mind. The Lord got a dozen oysters tonight.”
A frog stuck up an unusual friendship with two ducks. They got along very well except the frog was rather big-headed, and had a habit of taking the credit for everything, regardless of whether it was rightly his or not. One day, the two ducks came and said, “Well, it’s time for us to say goodbye.” “Why? Where are you going?” asked the frog. “The weather is getting colder, and it’s time for us to fly to a warmer place and spend the winter there.” “But what about me?” asked the frog. “What am I supposed to do? You can’t just leave me here to fend for myself. Can’t you take me with you?” The ducks said, “How are we supposed to do that?” “I have an idea,” said the frog. “How about we get a long stick, and you can fly along holding one end each, while I hold on with my mouth?” “That could work,” replied the ducks. So they took off with frog holding onto the stick with his mouth. Just as they went over a farm house, the farmer looked up and saw them and said, “What an amazing thing to see a flying frog. I wonder whose idea that was.” “Mine!” said the frog.
"Change your course 5 degrees south to avoid collision." "Change your course 5 degrees north to avoid collision." "This is the Captain speaking. Change your course 5 degrees south." "This is the First Seaman speaking. Change your course 5 degrees north." "Change your course 5 degrees south. This is the Captain of a destroyer." "Change your course 5 degrees north. This is a lighthouse."
A young girl went to her pastor and confessed that she feared she had incurred the sin of vanity. "What makes you think that?" asked the minister. "Because every morning when I look into the mirror I think how beautiful I am." "Never fear, my girl," was the reassuring reply. "That isn't a sin, it's only a mistake."
While men searched for a throne to build their kingdoms, Jesus reached for a towel to wash His disciples' feet. Doug Stringer
No matter what happens, the US Navy is not going to be caught napping. Frank Knox, Secretary of the US Navy, three days before Pearl Harbour
A swollen head is Nature's frantic efforts to fill a vacuum. W.G.P.
If I steal from my wife that's bad enough. If I steal from my neighbour, they'll call the police. But if I steal glory from God, I'm in real trouble.
Absalom's hair, which was such a source of pride to him that he weighed it annually, was also the cause of his death.
Many of us have heard of Muhammad Ali's boast that in the boxing ring he could "float like a butterfly, and sting like a bee". He knew how to brag to psyche out his opponents. But on one particular flight, he says in his book, The Soul of a Butterfly, that the flight attendant asked him to put his seat belt on. He said to her, "Superman don't need no seat belt". She smiled at him and said, 'Superman don't need no plane, either.'"
A car skidded on a wet road and hit a telegraph pole. A number of bystanders saw the accident and ran over to help. The first to reach the crash victim was a woman, but a man raced in, pushed her out of the way, and said, "Outta the way lady. I've taken a course in first-aid." The woman watched for a little while, then said, "Excuse me, but when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm right here."
Guests at the Ambassador's dinner party were all seated when a woman complained. "According to protocol, I should be seated over there." The Ambassador smiled politely and rearranged the seating. Afterwards, he was asked, "Doesn't it annoy you when things like that happen?" "Not really," he replied. "I realised long ago that the ones who mind, don't matter, and the ones who matter, don't mind."
Know yourself. Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. Ann Landers