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Sermon Illustrations: Parents
A father discovered that his son was doing drugs. He grabbed him, threw him against the wall and said, “You lied to me. You told me you wouldn’t do drugs anymore.” Just at that point, the phone rang and his wife answered. “Darling,” she said. “It’s for you.” He replied, “Can’t you see I’m in the middle of something? Tell them I’m not here.” I wonder where the son learned to lie?
HONOURING PARENTS Once there was a little old man. His eyes blinked and his hands trembled; when he ate he clattered the silverware distressingly, missed his mouth with the spoon as often as not, and dribbled a bit of his food on the tablecloth. Now he lived with his married son, having nowhere else to live, and his son's wife didn't like the arrangement. "I can't have this," she said. "It interferes with my right to happiness." So she and her husband took the old man gently but firmly by the arm and led him to the corner of the kitchen. There they set him on a stool and gave him his food in an earthenware bowl. From then on he always ate in the corner, blinking at the table with wistful eyes. One day his hands trembled rather more than usual, and the earthenware bowl fell and broke. "If you are a pig," said the daughter-in-law, "you must eat out of a trough." So they made him a little wooden trough, and he got his meals in that. These people had a four-year-old son of whom they were very fond. One evening the young man noticed his boy playing intently with some bits of wood and asked what he was doing. "I'm making a trough," he said, smiling up for approval, "to feed you and Mamma out of when I get big". The man and his wife looked at each other for a while and didn't say anything. Then they cried a little. Then they went to the corner and took the old man by the arm and led him back to the table. They sat him in a comfortable chair and gave him his food on a plate, and from then on nobody ever scolded him when he clattered or spilled or broke things. (One of Grimm's fairy tales.)
In Chile, a 65-year-old woman (Leonita Albina) has had 55 documented births - she claims to have had 64 children.
One in five families in Australia today is a single-parent family. Working Parents: Happy Families by Carol and Jack Flanagan 1988
Motherhood is not for the fainthearted. Used frogs, skinned knees, and the insults of teenage girls are not meant for the wimpy. Danielle Steel
A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children. Dave Barry
A rich person should leave his kids enough money to do something, but not enough to do nothing. Warren Buffett
The Ten Stages of Motherhood: 1. At 4 - My mummy can do anything. 2. At 8 - My mum knows a lot! A whole lot. 3. At 12 - My mum doesn't really know quite everything. 4. At 14 - Naturally, mum doesn't know that either. 5. At 16 - Mum? She's hopelessly old-fashioned. 6. At 18 - That old woman? She's out of date. 7. At 25 - Well, mum might know a little bit about it. 8. At 35 - Before we decide, let's get mum's opinion. 9. At 45 - I wonder what mum would have thought about it. 10. At 65 - I wish I could talk it over with mum.
A woman was out walking with her 4-year-old daughter. The little girl picked something up off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. Her mother was horrified and took the item away from her daughter, asking her not to do that. "Why?" asked the little girl. "Because it's been on the ground and you don't know where it's been. It's dirty and probably has germs," replied her mother. At that point, the little girl looked at her mother in awe and asked, "Mummy, how do you know all this stuff? You are so smart." "All mums know this stuff," she said. "It's on the Mummy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mummy." They walked along quietly for a few minutes, but her daughter was obviously thinking. "Oh ... I get it!" she exclaimed suddenly. "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy." "Exactly," her mother replied triumphantly.
The Housewife's Lament: I'm just a little housewife, With dishes three times a day. With laundry and cleaning a cooking, And toys to put away. Now, it's not that I mind the housework, Or the screaming kids at play. It's that husband who burns me up when he says, "Did you do anything today?" Anon.
If Men Got Pregnant: 1. Morning sickness would rank as the nation's number one health problem. 2. Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay. 3. Children would be kept in hospital till toilet trained. 4. Natural childbirth would become obsolete. 5. All methods of birth control would become 100% effective. 6. Men would be eager to talk about commitment. 7. Men wouldn't think twins were so cute.
ATTENDANCE STUDY A study once disclosed that if both Mom and Dad attend church regularly, 72 percent of their children remain faithful in attendance. If only Dad attends regularly, 55 percent remain faithful. If only Mom attends regularly, 15 percent remain faithful. If neither attend regularly, only 6 percent remain faithful. Warren Muller.
Quotes
There are times when parenthood seems nothing but feeding the mouth that bites you. Peter De Vries
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. Mark Twain
To help your children turn out well, spend twice as much time with them and half as much money. H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
You can teach them what you know, but you will reproduce what you are.