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Sermon Illustrations: Legalism

Legalism leads to the necessity of spelling out every detail. Instructions: Children's medicine - Do not drive car or operate machinery while using this product. On American hairdryer - Do not use while sleeping. Shower cap - Fits one head. Iron - Do not iron clothes while wearing them. Christmas tree - For indoor or outdoor use. Nut packet on American airline - Open packet, eat nuts. Heater - Do not immerse in bath. On a blanket from Taiwan - Not to be used as protection from a tornado. On the bottle-top of a flavoured milk drink - After opening, keep upright. On a British supermarket's tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box) - Do not turn upside down. On a Swedish chainsaw - Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. On frozen dinner - Serving suggestion: defrost. On a dishwasher - Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher. On massage chair - Do not use massage chair without clothing … and never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving. On flushable toilet brush: Do not use for personal hygiene. On electric hand blender used to blend, whip, chop and dice: Never remove food from blades while the product is operating. On child's scooter: This product moves when used. On a thermometer used to take a person's temperature: Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally. On cat's blanket: Machine washable; remove pet first.

Jesus healed three blind men. One was healed when He touched him. Another was healed when He spoke. Another when He spat in the dirt and made mud. Each blind man started to teach that that was the way to get healed. Eventually they had a conference where they discussed the proper way to be healed. Blind people came to listen, and by the end of the conference they understood each other more. But the blind still went away blind.

My Collection of Jokes, Quotes & Anecdotes

It was not uncommon in the Middle Ages for animals to be tried in courts of law. These prosecutions were based on the Biblical law of Moses which stated that, "If an ox gores a man or woman so that they die, then the ox shall be stoned and his flesh shall not be eaten". Horses, rats, pigs and even insects have been taken to court on various occasions. In 1445, at St. Julien, an action was taken against some beetles which had ravaged a vineyard. The insects declined to attend court, so the case fizzled out. In the 16th century, a clothes moth was put on trial in Spain, charged with destroying a valuable tapestry. Actually, it was innocent, it was the larvae who were the real culprits. But the moth was found guilty anyway and sentenced to have its throat cut. In France in 1314, a bull was hanged for goring a man and in 1457, a sow and her six young piglets were sentenced to death for eating a child. The sow was executed, but the piglets got off on account of their youth.

Did you know that when the wireless was first invented, parts of the church opposed it, because the radio waves went through the air and Satan is the prince of the power of the air?

You might remember the days when you weren't supposed to say that God or church are "fantastic" because fantastic originally meant relating to a fantasy?

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Please note that all Scripture quotations, unless otherwise stated, are taken from the New King James Version ®.
© 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.