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Sermon Illustrations: Divorce


A couple were sitting in a restaurant, enjoying a meal together when the husband suddenly stopped eating and began staring at a drunk woman sitting alone nearby. "Do you know her?" his wife asked. "Yes," he sighed. "She's my ex-wife. Apparently, she started drinking after we divorced ten years ago and I heard she hasn't been sober since." "My goodness," his wife exclaimed. "Who would have thought that someone could celebrate for so long?"

Court Transcript: Judge: "Well, sir, I have reviewed this case and I?ve decided to give your wife $775 a week." Husband: "That's fair, Your Honour. I'll try to send her a few bucks myself." Journal of Court Reporting Online

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh, my gosh! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out!"

A pastor once said, "If I wanted to get rid of my wife, the most acceptable way in some churches would be for me to kill her. If I divorced her, I could never be a pastor. If I murdered her, I could go to jail, and when I came out, those same churches who would not ordain a divorced man, would welcome me with open arms, and say, 'Wow, what a testimony of God's grace.'"

A thought to ponder: A man and his wife are getting divorced. He goes to church on Sunday and gives his life to the Lord. Monday his divorce is finalised. Now, because he got divorced as a Christian, some churches say he can't remarry and he can't be used in leadership ministry. If only he'd waited till Tuesday to give his life to the Lord!

My Collection of Jokes, Quotes & Anecdotes

You get a brand new mirror for your bathroom. And you want it to hang nicely on the wall, so you buy a heap of double-sided tape, and fix the mirror to the wall. It's beautiful. A couple of years later, you decide to remodel the bathroom, and move the mirror to a different spot. You've got a problem. When you try to separate the mirror from the wall, it's not a nice, neat little separation. Paint comes off the back of the mirror, paint comes off the wall. Neither of them looks good, and that's what happens in a divorce. A divorce is a tearing apart of two lives that have been joined together by God. It's messy, it's damaging, and that's why God hates divorce.

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