educate equip enable
A man went to his dentist complaining of toothache. She examined him and said, "It's your molar." Looking puzzled, that man asked, "What's a molar?" "It's your six-year molar," she replied. "You'll have to excuse me," said the patient. "But I don't really remember which tooth came through when I was six years old." Her assistant was more in tune. She reached out and poked her finger on the man's cheek near the back of his mouth. "Thanks, that I understand," said the man.
One of the guys in our church band asked me, "Will you play bass for me, next Sunday?" I agreed and, turning up early for practice on Sunday, was surprised to find that he was already there. I said, "Didn't you ask me a few days ago to fill in for you 'next Sunday'?" "Yes", he replied. "But I meant next Sunday." I was confused. "But this is the next Sunday," I said. "No," he replied. "This is this Sunday." To me, next Sunday was the very next Sunday. But to him the next Sunday was this Sunday, and the one after that was next Sunday. I think I'm still confused!
A couple of students were new to Australia and had arrived to take up a course of studies. When an older man found them sitting on the pavement, he asked, "What are you doing sitting there?" They looked up at him and said, "The sign says, 'No Standing.'"
A little old fashioned lady and her husband were planning a vacation in Alabama, USA. She wrote to a particular camp ground to make reservations deep down south in Alabama. She wanted to ensure that the camp ground was fully equipped and wasn't quite sure how to ask about the toilet facilities. She couldn't bring herself [being as delicate as she was], to write the word 'toilet', so after much deliberation she came up with the old fashioned term 'bathroom commode'. However, when she sat down to write that down she thought she was being far too forward, so she started her letter all over again. In rewriting the letter she referred to the bathroom commode as merely B.C. "Does the camp ground have its own B.C.?" is what she finally wrote. The camp ground owner, a deep Southern brother, wasn't at all old fashioned. When he got the letter, he couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That 'B.C." business really had him stumped. He thought about it for a while and after talking with some other campers and brothers came to the conclusion that B.C. meant Baptist Church, so he eventually sat down and wrote her the following reply. "Dear Madam, I regret very much my delay in applying to your letter, but now take pleasure in informing you that the local B.C. is located 9 miles north of the camp ground and is capable of seating 250 people. I admit that is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you'll be pleased to know that most people take their lunches and make a day of it. They come early and stay late. The last time my wife and I went was 6 years ago, and it was so crowded that we had to stand up the whole time. It might interest you to know that right now there is a supper planned to raise money to buy new seating. They are going to hold the fund-raising supper in the basement of the B.C. I'd like to say that it pains me greatly not to be able to go more regularly, but it is no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather. If you finally decide to come to our camp, maybe I could go with you the first time, sit with you and introduce you to all the other fold, because we want you to know this is a friendly community. The Manager." Source Unknown
People understand our message by 48% tone of voice, 45% body language and only 7% speech.
A man who bought a ready-to-assemble chrome and glass three-tiered stand made in Asia was confused about the following instructions that came with it: "Bathroom installs the manual. Fixs first three pillars son with the screw on the bottom, aims at again crest cover three pillars son bore puts in to twists the tight round ball, putting three pieces of glasses finally to clip to accept into the glass the tight glass clips the screw fix."
A Brisbane dad had quite a job trying to fathom the instructions on how to set up the MP3 player on a remote-control car he received for Christmas. It said, "A MP3 wire was collocated in the packing box, unbent pin connecting the player implement, curving pin insert the ORA on the instrument board. When pull out the curing pin, turns to stochastic music."
Have you ever wondered why, when you're walking through a shopping centre, people don't walk into each other all the time? You get it occasionally, but not often. I wondered this, and I noticed that it all comes down to body language. When people are walking towards each other, they unconsciously point their heads or look in the direction they're going to walk. And the other person picks up that signal and assumes they know where you're headed. Here's a fun activity next time you go shopping: Walk towards someone, look to your right, but walk to your left. I've done this. It's a whole lot of fun.
A young city man was visiting relatives on their outback property for the first time. When he arrived, it was a particularly busy time for the farmer. Not wanting to be inhospitable, his uncle said, "Look, we're flat out right now, but why don't you borrow my shotgun and take the dogs out for a bit of shooting." When his nephew returned a couple of hours later, the farmer asked him, "How was the shooting?" "That was amazing," said the young man. "Got any more dogs?"
This was an email: I received a letter from my grandmother last week. She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear Gavin, The other day I went up to our local Christian bookstore and saw a 'honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing that someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of God! Go! Go! Go!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and I started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love. I saw a guy waving in a funny way, with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked your cousin George in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. George burst out laughing. Why, even he was enjoying this religious experience! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them. After all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonders. Love, Grandma.
A couple of men were out hunting when one of them collapsed and stopped breathing. Panicking, his friend called emergency services on his mobile. "What am I supposed to do?" he blurted. "I think my friend is dead!" The operator replied calmly, "Just relax. First of all, let's just make sure that he's really dead." The phone went quiet, then the operator heard a shot. Then the hunter got back on the line. "Okay, what's next?"
A young man was visiting his parents during the university holidays. When his father discovered that he had only just scraped a pass in one of his core subjects, he commented, "That's not very good, is it?" The young man replied, "Dad, I learned something really important in my communication studies. If you have something negative to say, you should use what's called the 'feedback sandwich". "And what's that?" asked his father. "First, you say something positive, then the negative comment, then finish with another positive comment. Do you understand what I mean?" "Yeah, I think so," said the father. "How's this for size? I love you. Put a sock in it. I love you."