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Sermon Illustrations: Atheism

An atheist was shipwrecked. Out alone in the middle of the ocean, he looked up to heaven and prayed, "God, I've never bothered you before. Spare me now and I'll never bother you again."

Three atheists were trying to bother a Baptist minister. "I think I'll move to Nevada, only 25% of the people are Baptists," said the first. "No, I think I would rather live in Colorado," said the second. "Only 10% of the people are Baptists." "Better yet," said the third, "is New Mexico; only 5% there are Baptists." "I think the best place for you all is in Hades," said the minister. "There are no Baptists there at all."

A couple of American non-believers decided to steer clear of Biblical names for their new baby daughter. Apparently, George and Tina Rollason, of York, Pennsylvania, have named little girl Atheist Evolution."

An atheist was walking in a forest revelling in the fact that he had ruined a great many Christian meetings and generally been a great thorn in God's side when he heard a noise behind him. Looking round, he saw a great bear. He was terrified and ran looking for a tree that he could climb, but the faster he ran, the faster the bear ran. Suddenly, the man fell over a stump just as the bear reached him. In desperation he called out to God to help him. "So you want My help now," God said. "Does this mean that you want to believe and become a Christian?" "Nooo, no," the man replied. "Not me. Make the bear a Christian." And so God answered the atheist's prayer, and just as the bear was about to tear the man to pieces, he stopped. The man heaved a great sigh of relief. Then the bear raised his eyes to heaven and said, "Lord, for the meal I am about to eat I give You thanks".

Dial-A-Prayer for atheists: they call the number, it rings, but nobody answers.

If God exists then the future is determined and I am not free; I am free; therefore, God does not exist. Jean Paul Sartre, French existentialist

The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.¹

The Christian God is a being of terrific character - cruel, vindictive, capricious and unjust. Thomas Jefferson

Christianity is the most perverted system that ever shone on man. Thomas Jefferson

In real life, a great many reports of unconventional phenomena are the results of deviations from the truth, either deliberate or unconscious. And I am sick and tired of mysteries that end up with some indication that perhaps, after all, something supernatural really did happen. As far as I am concerned, if, when everything impossible has been eliminated and what remains is supernatural, then someone is lying. If that be treason, make the most of it.²

No testimony is sufficient to establish a miracle, unless the testimony be of such a kind, that its falsehood would be more miraculous than the fact which it endeavours to establish. David Hume, Scottish philosopher

What makes my jaw drop is that people today should base their lives on such an appalling role model as Yahweh - and, even worse, that they should bossily try to force the same evil monster (whether fact or fiction) on the rest of us.³

1 Dawkins, Richard The God Delusion p31
2 Asimov, Isaac The Return of the Black Widowers (Afterword to a short story entitled The Obvious Factor) p69-70
3 Dawkins, Richard, The God Delusion p248