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Sermon Illustrations: Advice

Anecdotes

A man decided to wallpaper his bedroom, but had no idea how many rolls he'd need. The Irishman next door had recently done the same job with a room of identical size, so he went and asked, "Murphy, how many rolls of paper did you buy for your bedroom?" "Ten," said Murphy, happy to be of assistance. So the man bought his ten rolls of paper and did the job. The walls looked fine, but he had two rolls left over. "Murphy," he said. "I bought ten rolls like you said for the bedroom, but now I've got two left over." "Dat's funny," said Murphy. "So did I!"


A woman went to a counsellor for advice about a difficult problem. The following week, she returned for a follow-up session. "How did you go?" asked the counsellor. The woman said that she still had the problem. After a few more questions, the counsellor realised that the woman hadn't bothered to implement any of the advice from the previous week. "Have you ever been given a prescription by a doctor?" the counsellor asked. "What did you do with it? Did you take it to the chemist? Did it help? Good. So when I gave you my prescription last week, what did you do with it? It will only work if you follow my advice."


I was alone with him and we chatted for a while. It was then that he told me that he didn't think he'd be around for the weekend. Then after a bit, I could see he was in a lot of pain, I took his hand and said, "Mac I just want you to listen for a while." So he closed his eyes and I said, "Mac I just want to remind you to put your trust in Jesus. I want you to remember what the Bible says about heaven. That heaven is a wonderful place - no tears, no sorrow, no pain, no disappointment, no evil, no crime. It's a place of great joy, eternal pleasure, peace, life, love and happiness. The best things of earth have no comparison with what God has prepared for those who love Him. So keep trusting Jesus. Don't put your trust in anything else. And if you're not still with us for the weekend, you'll be in a better place than any of us." Well, Mac fell silent for a while. Then he started stroking my hand and he said, "If I could write my words of wisdom, I'd tell everyone to search for Him, and not to give up till they found Him, even though He's not too hard to find as He's already looking for them and He's just around the corner. If I could write my words of wisdom, that's what I'd write. But I can't write." Three days later Mac went to be with the Lord.


Some people just never listen. A number of years ago, I was working on a building site when I stood on a nail. They took me to a medical centre. Now, at the time I was periodically suffering from - I don't know what - but my right eye would go blind for a few minutes. Now, just as I was in the doctor's surgery, it happened. So I said, "Quick! Take a look at my right eye. I've just gone blind. It only lasts a few minutes." So he gets his little whatever and starts looking into my left eye. "No, not that one," I said. "The other one." He answered, "I just want to see what your good eye looks like normally first." So he had a look. Then the blindness cleared up. Next, he looked into my right eye, but by then it was too late. "Well, I can't see anything wrong there," he said. I restrained myself, but how dumb can you be and still be breathing? I'm sure that if you put this guy's brain in a duck, it would fly to Antarctica for the winter.


Anecdotes

Plaque: "Ask enough people and you will eventually find someone who will tell you what you intended to do in the first place."